Thursday, March 24, 2011

Missed manners

I often write book reviews. Many are on books for children or for parents.  Right now, I'm desperately looking for a book on etiquette for kids.  I thought I was modeling good table manners and generally showing good social etiquette (make eye contact with people, shake hands when introducing yourself, don't talk with your mouth full of gummy bears, etc.) but the other day  while my family was eating dinner something happened. We were having fish, salad and rice.  While my oldest son did use a fork for the rice, I had to remind him twice to use a fork for his fish and salad.  He smiled and used the fork a couple times. Then when his father and I were distracted he went back to picking up his buttery fish and ranch-coated salad with his fingers.   I looked at him and before I even said anything, he smirked and started to pick up the fork.  Since his hands were pretty gooey, I said, "wipe your hands first" and glanced at his napkin.  He said "oh yeah," and then wiped his hands on his ....  sigh....on his.... HAIR.  His hair. Who does that? Where did I go so wrong that my 8-year old son used his own head as a napkin?  I actually would have not been surprised if he had used his shirt sleeve or wiped his hands on his pants, but this one was new.  My husband and I could only stare slack-jawed at him as he then picked up his fork and merrily plowed into his dinner.

I'm thinking back to all the times Mark and I haven't used napkins or the time when Mark's frugal grandmother told the kids to make sure they licked all the food off their fingers (so as not to waste food) or maybe I never actually said "you must use a napkin, a fork, a plate." Maybe I've just been assuming that like E.T. or some other clever alien, my kids would just watch me and copy the fabulous way I eat. Then I remembered all the times I probably wasn't showing my best table manners either.  Telling them to eat their broccoli while I was still chewing mine, reaching across the table for the Tabasco because after a long day I just didn't want to talk to anyone.  So, I should brush up on my table etiquette, too.  Still, I'm getting old and soon no one will care how I eat, but the kids will need jobs one day, and maybe have to have a lunch interview.  If the boy does that hair thing in front of a prospective employer he is doomed.   So an etiquette book, a How-to-Eat-With-People type of book, would be just perfect.